Honestly Sure

I’ve been dealing with a spiral of chaotic emotions lately.

Last night, the Giants thought it’d be fun toignore everything they know about defensive baseball. Which would’ve been fine if they weren’t playing the Dodgers in LA. Alas, I imagine watching the Giants tonight was like watching your own child be pretty bad at something yet being horribly proud of him or her. If I have a son who is phenomenal at being a quarterback, I will force him to take up figure skating so I can emulate the feeling again. Joke will be on me if he’s also a fabulous figure skater.

But then again, that’s what being a Bay Area sports fan is all about. Being horribly proud of your team even though their games usually end with fans crying under a cold shower. I remember doing that during the 2002 World Series. To be honest, I would have preferred this team to win the 1st San Francisco World Series. You had Barry Bonds, Jeff Kent, Rich Aurilia, JT Snow…MAN that would’ve been awesome!

But I digress. Let’s just swallow our criticism and yelling…and hope that Vogelsong can beat Kershaw. HUZZAH!

Living With an Older Brother (pt.1)

Yesterday morning, my brother walked into my room, looked at me very seriously, and asked, “Hey, do I look fatter to you? I feel like I gained like…7 pounds” Then he stood there with only has boxers on and waited for a response. 

Naturally, the question threw me off guard. Not because he doesn’t seem like the guy who would ask it (he asked me once 3 years ago). But mainly because, for starters, I was hungover. Secondly, that’s usually something he asks his female friends. 

And here’s the dilemma: There is no correct way to answer this question.

If you say “yes”, the person will be disappointed, then stare at you with a “I can’t believe you just said that” look. If you say “no”, they’ll look at you like you’re a liar and storm off.

I wanted to give him the Daniel Tosh answer and say, “I’m not too sure…but I just want you to know that you are a rose in a field of daisies”. 

But that probably wasn’t going to slide. So I told him my honest answer. I said, “I haven’t noticed, but even if you did gain some weight, the girls at the bar last night didn’t seem to notice or care, you handsome guy!”

I don’t think the answer was good enough, but he did walk away and leave me alone. I assume he was OK with the answer…OR he went to go workout at the gym in disgust.

Rereading that last entry made me realize that I should probably not drink so much.

OR I should just buy a personal journal while drinking. 

Sorry about that, y’all. My heart seems to be a bit louder than my brain. Especially when my brain passes out first while swimming in whiskey. 

By the time you finish reading this, the previous post will be gone. It was a little too emo, even for my own standards.

Lady, if you happen to have found this particular tumblr and bothered reading it, forgive this old fool. He doesn’t really know what he’s doing at the moment. Or what he feels.  Or where his life will go, for that matter. Like I said before, I’ve managed to trap myself in my own head. So…I’m not too sure what’s going on up there. 

And to the few who actually read this thing, I’m sorry to you too. I haven’t been myself lately for more reasons than one. For starters, I recently found out that the house I’ve lived in for 20 years may no longer belong to my family, since the mortgage is giving us problems. Not the worst thing in the world, but it’d be a bummer if I didn’t get to call this place home, ya know? 

Then there’s the whole…uncle at the risk of death thing going on…and…well…I don’t know how I feel.

The ironic thing is, I started this tumblr because I wanted to know what my honest writing sounds like. My honest feelings, I guess. And yet…I’m afraid of that honesty. I’m really not honestly sure about much. AND THAT’S THE NAME OF THE DAMN BLOG, FOR GOODNESS SAKE!

And to be completely honest, I’ve never felt more confused before about everything all at once. Some nights I look up at the stars, hoping that my Grandma will give me an answer. She always knew what to do when I was younger. And now I need her more than ever. 

Still, I’m lookin’ up. Hopeful, even. It’s about the only thing I can do at the moment. I’ve had time to sulk and be mopey. I might do that a little more, but when I’m done, I’ll have to hit the ground running.

…and since I bought these new running shoes for $100, I’m sure I won’t have any problems doing that.

Right, guys? RIGHT???

*goes for a high-five*

OK…fine…but if you ever use that cool and clever joke, you’d better give me credit for it, dammit!